Now is the time to explore the essence of our gathering, the courage required to nurture belonging in these times, and the humanity needed to embark on this journey. This path doesn’t demand perfection but simply our willingness to show up, to embrace our imperfections, and to declare, "I am willing to belong," despite the reasons we might think we don’t. We mustn't wait for perfection before we begin.
Belonging—what a bold claim. It has been on my mind, and I want to share my reflections on belonging, womanhood, and community. Few of us, including myself, are truly qualified to define these concepts. I prefer to live into them rather than attempt to define them.
Through numerous courses, extensive reading, and teachings from wise elders and spirited individuals, I’ve come to understand more about the wild and unruly nature of belonging. This concept spans socio-political realities, ecological truths, colonial legacies, and humanitarian principles. Yet, at its core, belonging is a cellular genius we possess—a state of being that exists independently of external validation. It is something many have lost, leaving us without a clear path to reclaim it.
This essay explores resilience and maturity, as well as repair and growth. It’s about not trying to fix, heal, or save ourselves or others; rather, it’s about recognizing belonging as the vast sky under which we exist—a rebellious act against the false narrative of non-belonging.
Last year, I was deeply touched by the women who attended The Temple of Belonging. Although we never promised that they would feel belonging, they came, leaned in, and found their own way through this beautiful invitation. The truest lesson I’ve learned is that belonging is both a collective and individual experience, extending beyond human communities to include our spirits and the times we live in. Belonging is something to be remembered, not created.
What I share here isn’t the only truth about belonging, nor is it comprehensive. I cherish our women’s gathering and this community because each of us contributes a thread to a beautiful tapestry, warming our bodies and spirits. If anyone claims to have the full story, I would advise caution. This is an offering, an inquiry, and a contemplation of what might lie beneath the surface of this charged conversation.
Belonging seems innate, yet we have been led to believe otherwise. Generations of colonization have alienated us from nature, from our Garden of Eden, and inflicted upon us the most profound act of ‘othering’ I have ever known. This has been compounded by the horrific harms done to countless bodies and souls, predominantly black and brown, all in the name of greed, fear, and control. The feeling of not belonging is far older and wilder than any single lifetime. I offer perspectives that are liberating and helpful, not to overly analyze the past, but to guide us towards a brighter future.
Exploring belonging isn’t a simple process or a quick fix. It’s a fluid journey of remembrance, requiring us to decondition our stories, wounds, and worldviews imposed by those who also forgot their own belonging. It calls us to rethread ourselves intimately with the living and nonliving world.
Belonging starts with a genuine longing to be here, which many have lost.
What if your desire to be so woven into the fabric of reality that your thread becomes inseparable from the whole tapestry is the key to feeling a sense of belonging? It’s a yearning for union with life, an innate desire to fit into the fabric where everything exists perfectly as it is, beyond opinions and judgments.
What if your belonging is simply an energetic desire to embrace life fully, to stop resisting it, and to let your inherent belonging awaken within you?
Belonging is about desiring that deep connection with life itself. It also requires us to trust and weave ourselves into a world we may not fully understand or have compassion for. It embodies confidence, ease, and surrender to something greater than ourselves.
Belonging carries the understanding that we share the burden of being alive together. While some appreciate this idea, living it out is a different matter. We already belong; we cannot separate our fates from the world’s. Our actions, no matter how small, affect others and the planet. Recognizing this interconnectedness may be painful, challenging our sense of self and productivity within a capitalist framework. I share this to soften the righteousness often present in these discussions. Many ways exist to remember our connection.
Belonging requires reciprocity.
What if belonging has always been beneath the illusions? How would we engage with our communities, gatherings, families, and nature if we knew everything is allowed to be here? How would we show up if we believed we already belong and let go of the false narratives otherwise? How would it feel in your body? Would it soften your breath? Offer more compassion to those still caught in their conditioning? What if they, too, belong?
One of the hardest truths is that belonging cannot be one-sided. If I seek to belong in my truest, most imperfect self, then others should also exist in their unique nature without judgment. This is how colonization spreads—through the belief that one person knows what is best for others. What would it take to soften this pattern and reclaim sovereignty while protecting it for others?
We live in a world that demands a gift it’s not willing to give. Judgment and colonial ideologies hinder true belonging. Can we give the gift we seek, even if we’ve been harmed or feel wounded? Can we offer what we seek despite past injustices? Reciprocity becomes challenging when we want to belong fully but deny others’ belonging based on perceived flaws.
If you reject someone’s belonging—whether they are rich, white, houseless, Jewish, Muslim, queer, or divergent—you risk writing yourself out of belonging. Belonging, freedom, and liberation must be universal, or they do not exist. Our empowered reclamation of belonging becomes an offering to the world and its ecology.
The question then becomes: Can I extend my enduring acceptance and allowance for all things I don’t like as a way to reclaim my own belonging? This is a challenging space to navigate, but crucial.
Belonging is inherent to all life.
I believe we are here with purpose. My human side seeks to understand and make sense of it within my identity, but our desires for belonging often carry conditionality that hinders the creation of a world we deeply crave. We’ve reduced belonging to an anthropocentric view—seeking validation and similarity. True belonging involves seeing oneself in everything and recognizing our fundamental similarities.
Belonging is about knowing we are not separate beings at war with ourselves or each other. We are one life expressing itself in myriad ways. Like a tree with its branches and flowers, everything is different yet animated by the same core life force. This understanding helps me move beyond selfish needs for love and acceptance, recognizing a reality far greater and more interesting.
We are wired for connection, community, and belonging, which guides my work. However, subtle beliefs and patterns can obstruct our return to this connection. Often, it’s not a lack of community but deeper beliefs about ourselves and the world.
When we see each other as expressions of life, something transformative happens—a softening, a release of victimhood and identity supremacy. This process requires reconciling with parts of ourselves that resist belonging, prefer victimhood, or cling to being ‘right’. These are significant questions.
What do I truly belong to? The sunrise? The rivers? My family? When did belonging become so focused on the self rather than the collective?
Comparison steals connection. Diversity is essential for life’s flourishing, and fear of it only leads to disease—mental and physical. Nature reminds us that belonging is not about sameness but the collaboration of various forces creating a shared experience.
Each of us has a role to play, and embracing our individual missions contributes to the richness and resilience of life. Our conditioning has taught us to fear diversity rather than trust it. The only way to trust life is to trust ourselves.
We can’t all be Dorothy in this play; otherwise, it would be a dreadful play.
Belonging also embodies generosity.
It’s not just about ownership or entitlement but about what we give ourselves to, what we are in service to, and what sustains us. It shifts from a mindset of possession to one of interconnectedness and service. I’m inspired by the idea that belonging means belonging to what gives us life—the planet, the animal kingdom, the elemental kingdom, our own bodies. We are interconnected with everything that sustains us.
This emerging understanding contrasts with older models based on ownership or earned status. It challenges us to rethink how we tend to the garden of belonging, especially in a world where many feel disconnected. Each of us has a responsibility to tend to this garden.
Belonging is often outsourced, with individuals expecting others to make them feel included. While inclusivity and diversity are crucial, relying solely on external validation for belonging can create unhealthy relational patterns. True belonging comes from within and requires showing up authentically in service to life.
Belonging cannot be given by anyone outside of us, but it needs the right conditions to flourish. Like a seed needing fertile ground, it’s within us all along but requires nurturing. This is what we strive to support, in our own imperfect and sincere way.
A Practice Ground for Belonging:
The Temple of Belonging is a space where we come together not to fix or save each other but to honor our collective wisdom and support each other's growth. It’s about creating a community where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued. This requires embracing our imperfections and recognizing that we are all on a journey of healing and self-discovery, each leaning into understanding and remembering belonging for ourselves and with each other.
We seek to share the burden, engage in brave conversations, and create a humble space for co-creating belonging. It’s a place filled with joy, triggers, deep wisdom, and profound ease. It all belongs!
In essence, belonging is about finding our place in the world—not by fitting into a predetermined mold but by embracing our unique gifts and contributions and reconciling with what stands in our way. It’s about recognizing our interconnectedness and understanding that our well-being is tied to the well-being of the whole. This gathering is an audacious prayer, a sweet and simple space, and a practice ground for us as women to tend to the garden of the life we want to live. It’s a place to release the need for external validation and embrace the dignity of knowing that we are all part of a greater whole. You are already liked and loved.
I write this with courage, hoping that what resonates will be useful, and what doesn’t will be left behind. As one of my teachers, Bayo Akomalafe, says, “I hope to never leave you with the poverty of an easy answer.” Let’s continue to wonder out loud and lean into ourselves and each other with courage, curiosity, and compassion.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for being.
Jenny
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